Pondering

I talked yesterday about the meditation I had carried out, where I was shown that I had not cleared the loss of my wife in the Indian life. I realised I would have to do more work on that. Generally when I finish a meditation, I write down what I have just experienced but in this particular case I didn’t and instead, the blog was my first writing on it. This morning I decided to record what I could remember from the meditation but unfortunately, could no longer recall all of the finer details of the understanding that had seemed so clear to me at the time. But what I could remember, is that no one can actually take the love we have for something, away from us. We may lose a particular thing, but not the love we have for that thing, and that is what hurts. Having things taken from me, was one of the issues I had brought into this life to heal and I had had many examples to work on. I thought I had cleared the issue but as instances kept recurring, I knew there was more. This morning I received some clarity. I also mentioned yesterday, the loss of the land in the Indian life. When my parents sold our family farm, I also missed that land. I was just repeating a pattern from a former life in order to heal it. No matter what I did at the time, I could never clear the pain from that loss until I carried out an exercise that involved taking the parts of the land that were embedded in my heart and returning them to the land and taking the bits of my heart that were still in the land and returning them to my heart. Finally after doing that, the pain in my heart stopped. I now realise this is what I will have to do with the losses I have experienced. It is not the actual thing or person my heart is grieving, but the separation of parts of myself. When I have loved these things or people, I have left parts of my heart there and these need to be reunited. When I have time, I will carry out this exercise.