Choosing it our way

We attended our friend’s send-off yesterday, a service in the funeral home in Kaitaia.

Several times we were shunted further up the front, being told that it would just be a small gathering. Never underestimate a 94-year-old and the friends and one’s lives they may have touched along the way. By the time the service started, the area inside the home was completely filled, and an overflow had gathered in the waiting area outside.

There were nice tributes to this man and some photos of his younger days that I had not seen. Present, were estranged family members who had not been in his life of late, but who made the effort to come to his funeral. That was sad, as I know he would have liked to have had these people back in his life sharing his ups and downs with him in his final years.

But the big thing is, when we go, we want to do it our way, even if we won’t be there in person. We want to have our songs, be buried or cremated as we wish, and to be placed where we want to go, whether it be in a certain cemetery, or our ashes scattered in a special place.

And if family doesn’t like our wishes, they need to have that conversation with us before we die and try and convince us otherwise, rather than go against us when we have passed over.

There was no dishonouring of this man’s wishes, but it has just reminded me of the need to have our plans completely clear before we go. I think I have talked about my mother in a previous blog; she had told me many times that she just wanted family-only at her send off. I tried to sway her opinion when she told me this, to no avail.

However, when she slipped into a coma, my brother started talking about all the people who would want to come to her funeral. I told him what she had told me. He didn’t know any of this. Fortunately, she became coherent enough to state her wishes, which were exactly as I had said. It was difficult for us, telling people they could not come, but we honoured her wishes and she had the send-off she wanted.

I have read recently where local iwi have banned the scattering of ashes in some places. I think people need to keep in mind these restrictions when they decide their post-death plans.

But that won’t affect me, as I want to be buried.