Body unwell

One knows when something is not right with one’s body and I have had that feeling for some time now. When I had my pericarditis, that was obvious, or the viruses we have had over the past couple of years, but this one is different. There is just a general feeling that something is not quite right, but I have no idea exactly what.

I am extremely fatigued when on my feet and start to feel toxic pretty quickly. Fortunately, at the Mind, Body event, I was sitting most of the time, where I tend to feel fine. If I do something small, I feel like I have run a marathon.

I know I lost my fitness while I had my heart issues, as for four long years, I was extremely fatigued and ended up lying down for most of that time. I do walk each day now but that is on the flat and I haven’t really been able to increase my distance or my fitness as I had hoped. My weight is well into the obesity range, and the heaviest I have ever been by far so I guess that could be playing a major role. Gone are the days when any kilos gained could be shed just as easily.

My problem is that I don’t want to diet. It has taken me this long, from when I started dieting in my forties to now, to realise that they don’t work. I mean they do work, one loses heaps of kilos with each one, but that lost weight is soon put back on, plus more. I don’t want the restrictions and I don’t want to be even heavier a year later if I undertake yet another diet.

A good start for me is giving up sugar as I do have a sweet tooth and am very addicted to it. Usually, after a couple of days, the craving is gone and I no longer have a problem with sugar or sugary things being around me – they are easy to resist. But that also creates a similar long-term problem. There is a restriction which at some point gets broken and the cycle of binging and having to have sweet things takes over once more. And any weight lost through this method is quickly put back on.

This time I want to release my weight through healthy eating and exercise, though any attempts thus far seem to be to no avail regarding losing any kilos. In fact, out of my routine for the weekend and not having my daily walk, I gained a further kilo. It is so frustrating.

Last night, during my wakeful period, I put on a meditation aimed at the subconscious, which was really about reprogramming one’s thoughts. Will this have any benefit? I know I do strongly believe that any gained weight is difficult to shift. Perhaps I need to shift this belief.

I have read the odd article about celebrities losing weight through a new weight-loss drug but that is something that I am not keen on either. Any drug alters the body, and many have side effects, often not evident until years later. I don’t want to become dependent on a pill for the rest of my life, that if I stop taking, fires me back into obesity and could be creating other problems within my body.

At my core, I still believe increasing physical activity is the key to losing weight.

I will try to walk just that little bit further and do a little more each day, then see if that helps.