Tough times are not a bad thing

In yesterday’s blog, I mentioned how grateful I was to my boys for finding the time to help out with the more difficult chores around the section. And in the comments, Leena suggested their helpfulness was a credit to my mothering love over the years. Kind words, but I feel I cannot take the credit for their actions. I believe the tough times they experienced as children shaped their characters more than anything else.

Having five children meant that everything had to be shared amongst the five of them and desserts and other treats among seven. I remember admiring Michael once, when he was quite young. He was one of the first to reach the pot, a big boil-up of wild pork, watercress, potatoes, pumpkin, kumara and dough boys, a flour and water mix added to the pot. We had visitors and so this particular meal, people were told to take a plate and help themselves. I watched Michael take a small amount, less than he would generally eat. I realised he was thinking of everyone else still to come when he served himself, and I was proud that he was able to think of others at such a young age.

When I left their father, times were tough. For the first year or two I took odd jobs that didn’t pay particularly well and there were even times when there was no work and I had to manage on the meagre amount Inland Revenue was able to pay me. Work and Income had refused to grant me the benefit, so working was my only option. Michael, Levi and Daniel all left school the same year, two years after I left Paul, but until that time, there was little money for any luxuries. I still think back, tearfully, and with immense gratitude, to that time and the behaviour of the kids, especially Daniel and Levi, who never once asked me for anything special or extra. They never asked for money for the movies, or new clothes, even though they were now teenagers.

I would take the kids to the beach on Fridays after school and for a treat, we would stop and have chips for tea, eating them in the carpark. Tomato sauce or a bag of lollies was an extra that was even more exciting. The kids didn’t mind that we didn’t have fish with the chips, as that would have been too expensive. They appreciated the take-aways and the tomato sauce.

My brother, who never married, was always incredibly generous and would send money each Christmas, enough for us to enjoy the day and for the kids to have a nice present each and some new clothes.

All these things influenced them growing into adults. They all have a wonderful work ethic, probably partly inspired by the fact that they didn’t want to repeat their own childhood scarcities.

But I do believe that hardship is not a bad thing for children. I am not talking about poverty, that is a different story. But having to think of others and not having everything one wants is good for young people.

And I see the generosity of my brother reflected in my children too. Setting an example as he did, taught the kids well. When one is given to, it is far easier to also give.

I am thankful for all the tough times we endured as a family. It certainly makes one appreciate the good times and I can see those times reflected in the helpfulness and generosity of my children.