The next step
Stephen and I had to visit Whangarei yesterday in order to fix a tyre rim which was damaged by a pot hole the previous weekend. This was a five-hour return journey.
I was pleased, because it gave both of us an opportunity to catch up with old friends, a chance to visit a clothes shop that I am usually successful in finding an item I like, and a further opportunity to visit a friend who has just moved to a rest home there. The latter was rather sad, because the rest home had not been in this person’s future visions of his old age. He had hoped to die in the house where he had lived for the last 20 or so years and the rest home visit he had believed was just a temporary respite, was in fact, a long-term solution to his aging needs, although in fairness, that is not totally sorted yet.
We listened as he told us he felt he had been abandoned. I think some of his expectations had been wishful thinking on his part, but others were probably well-founded. I explained the need for acceptance, which he said he was just coming to now. Surrendering to our fate and trying to find the positive things in our new reality makes things much easier for ourselves, though we still need to grieve what has been lost.
I asked him if he thought he could ever be happy there and he replied that apart from sharing a communal shower and no coffee facilities, everything was pretty good. That seemed a great step towards his acceptance. I explained that personal showers were a rarity in such complexes and perhaps something could be set up in his room for his coffee, though his inability to hold heavy things in his hands, might make a jug too dangerous for him to have. But there are other options. We were told that a coffee person visits the rest home and we saw a book he was reading that the librarian had dropped off. I viewed the activities on offer and suggested if he had something he really wanted to do, they might be able to arrange it.
We are all going to reach the same point our friend has. In today’s world, a rest home will be the final residence for many of us. Families are too busy these days to be expected to take care of an elderly relative. I certainly have no expectations on my own family. Ideally, I would like to stay in my own house as long as possible but realistically I know that I might not be able to do this and a rest home will probably be the next step. Then of course, we might not even make old age, or we might succumb to one of the dreaded Alzheimer’s varieties, in which case, decisions will be made for us.
But even worse is something that bothered me when euthanasia was legalised in this country. And that was that elderly people would feel pressurised to choose ending their own life when they may not want to. Of course, this is not a problem now and won’t be for many years as there are too many checks in place to prevent such a thing, but what will happen in say 30 years from now, when some of those checks and balances have fallen away? As I stated in The Collective Us, I believe we have many opportunities for soul growth in our final days of suffering. I am pleased that people who wish to end their life now have that choice, but please, don’t take away our choice to die naturally.