Respect

Stephen and I had a night away in Whangarei on Saturday, and it was with sadness that we visited an elderly friend in hospital, yesterday. This man had only recently moved to a rest home so he was already in unfamiliar territory when he was knocked over by someone entering his room, breaking his upper arm in the process. Now he was in even more unfamiliar surroundings and not in a very happy state, as the broken arm had left him incapacitated. He needed that arm to hold his walker so that he could walk. He needed that arm to put his hearing aid in, to help him dress, hold his fork. Now he was in the hospital but unable to do those remaining shaky movements of independence. He needed assistance for everything.

Stephen and I had been looking forward to our visit but the mood soon changed when we were snapped at, repeatedly. Our friend was demanding, impatient and petulant, brought on by his frustration at his inability to help himself. We were very aware of his limitations and full of empathy for him, but no matter how bad one’s circumstances are or how one is feeling, one still needs to be respectful of those around them.

When he asked for his hearing aid case, I got up and brought it too him. Then he snapped at me angrily, ‘’open it.’’

‘’Please,’’ I countered. And repeated my request.

He did oblige but proceeded to give me a lecture on how he can’t do anything for himself anymore and if he asks for his case, he expects it to be handed to him, already opened. That’s fine, if I knew that and I will know next time. We had just been giving him instructions on how to use his cell phone and he was attempting to do this himself. I assumed he would do the same with his hearing aid case.

And so, the hour went on. He had lost his hearing aid. I went through his sponge bag for him. ‘’Empty it out.’’ He wanted me to tip the contents out onto his white bedspread. I found a book to place the remaining bits on, mainly loose, hearing aid batteries. There was no hearing aid there, so I placed the contents back in the bag, to which I was again reprimanded. ‘’Don’t put them back in there.’’ I told him he would need to sort out what he wanted to keep and not keep. Which he did. The hunt was still on for the missing aid. We pulled the blankets back, that were surrounding him in his chair, and there was the item, thankfully. The next problem was the fact he only had three batteries left that fitted his aid, no money to buy some more and no way of getting any more, being a Sunday. Actually, this problem came up before the search for the aid and I had already compared sizes of the remaining batteries which had to be smaller rather than larger. There were two sizes floating around. My next job was to place the chunky aid into his ear. Not being able to hear, I now had to change the battery but I wondered if I had just placed it in his ear incorrectly. Thinking that may have been the case, I placed the used battery back into the sponge bag.

Stephen didn’t go unscathed either. When making way for our chair to be moved to be closer to him, Stephen was ordered angrily to “just move it,’’ referring to the bed sitting nearby. With brakes jammed on and unable to reach the brake lock, this was a near impossible task. The bed was like this to keep this man safe. If it moved while holding it, he would go for a skate. We managed to slide the bed along.

We did get an apology before we left, but overall, the visit was unenjoyable. This is something for us all to remember. We will all get old; we will all lose our ability to function in the way we did when we were younger. But no matter how difficult our circumstances, we must remember to be respectful of those around us. I know we were not the only ones to experience our friend’s frustrations. The nurses too, have been on the receiving end of this. We need to remember that these people are just doing their job and as a patient we are not the only person who needs help. I remember back to my nursing days. We tended to avoid the demanding patients and would groan when the buzzer was rung yet again. We would ask them if there was anything else they required, only to leave the room and be called back a few minutes later.

Don’t be that patient and don’t be that person. I left the hospital yesterday, not feeling like returning, but I will. Because I know the man underneath the misery and that is of an intelligent, kind man, one whose friendship I value.