More healing

I have slept right through for the last two nights, something I am extremely thankful for. There is nothing worse than having two hours taken from one’s sleep due to wakefulness. On Friday, we cut down the branches of a tree that shades our deck area, something we do yearly. Immediately the area was plunged back into sunshine and I spent an hour just sitting in the sun, both Friday and yesterday. I am wondering whether the sun exposure had anything to do with resetting my body clock. I usually love spending time outdoors but haven’t done too much of that lately. Whatever the reason, I am hoping this pattern of sleeping through the night continues.

Those nights when I have found myself awake, I generally put on a meditation and have done some wonderful healings in the process. Just when one thinks there is no more, a new meditation exposes new stuff to work through. One thing that surprised me was finding out I still had more mother issues to work through. I really thought I had finished with her. I have certainly carried out lots of forgiveness. She is the person I have had to do the most work around in my life. Even my marriage issues weren’t all from the marriage, rather unhealed mother stuff from childhood.

I don’t know who has been doing the prompting, whether it was my mother or my guides, but she has seemed to be around me frequently lately. And my feelings toward her have not been positive. Generally, when one has carried out the necessary forgiveness, the feelings towards a person are then positive or at the very least neutral. I found myself not wanting her to be near me and feeling no joy when I perceived her to be there – definitely a sign more healing was necessary.

In this latest meditation, I found various childhood memories coming up relating to my mother concerning toileting and general affection. Whilst I was well-fed and clothed, I didn’t feel loved by her. Everything was very mechanical. The toileting was another matter. We had an outside toilet and I was often scared going out to that each night. However, I was never accompanied at times when I was scared. I would ask for her to come with me, only for her to refuse to do so. Then there were the times on long trips that she wouldn’t stop for a toilet break when I was busting to go. She just wanted to get to her destination, sometimes a couple of hours away. As each memory came up, and the associated negativity around it, I let it exit my body via my feet. I definitely felt lighter when this process was over and I have not felt my mother since. Perhaps she was close so that I could do this last bit of healing around her. I comforted my inner child and promised I would never ever make her wait for the toilet again.

Let’s hope I can keep this promise.