Friends
It was great catching up with two of my old friends by phone this week, friendships that in one case have spanned 50 years and in the other almost 40. One of these lovely ladies lives in Canada, while the other lives seven hours away down country. Because of the distance, we don’t get to see each other too often. But these are friends, who, when they ask me how I am, I tell them. I haven’t been that well over the last four years but my current state of health is my new normal. When they enquire, I tell them that I am still not that great, whereas someone else I would probably say that I am fine. But what I realised in talking to them both this week, is that when I outlay my health concerns, I sound negative, when in fact, I have adjusted to my new normal and feel quite good inside; it is just I am not physically able to do the things I could do in the past.
One of these friends was telling me how, for her own well-being, she had to distance herself from another friend, who I know is in need at the moment. When one is not well, or suffering from some other affliction, it is easy to sound needy. But aren’t that what friends are for – to be there for each other when the need arises. This same friend arrived with pots and pans and food for me when I left my husband. She then accompanied me to the Salvation Army where I picked up more household goods for my new life as a single mum. She was a great tower of strength for me in my time of need.
While I was massaging, my free time was important to me. I needed alone time to reenergise for my week ahead. Working one-on-one takes a lot out of a person energetically and thus quiet time was necessary to recalibrate. However, I know I have hurt friends along the way, in asking for this quiet time. These people have meant a lot to me, but I have known that for my own well-being I have needed to put boundaries up to give me time to recuperate.
Hearing my friend say yesterday that she had distanced herself from her friend, put a mirror up to my own actions. Looking from the outside in, the action can seem mean but I know from the inside, it comes down to self-preservation. We are no good to anyone, if our own energies get depleted.
I had another friend once, who told me that she only ever heard from me when I was in a negative space – never mind that I only ever heard from her in similar circumstances. I felt rejected at the time as I had found her a good sounding board to my problems. I respected her wisdom in these situations and I could open up freely, telling her exactly how I was feeling, which I couldn’t do with many of my friends.
I think a lot of people are suffering at the moment from the effects of the lockdowns and other things happening in the world. In talking to these two friends this week, I realised that I don’t need to add to anyone else’s burden by telling them how I can’t do the things I could do in the past. I am well with my new normal, I have a roof over my head, I have a beautiful family, a partner. We have not suffered any ill-effects from the cyclone. We are financially stable. Everyone in the family is well. What more could a person ask for in life?