Final goodbyes

Stephen and I travelled yesterday to the crematorium for our final goodbyes with Diane. There had been a short service back in the Hokianga, which we didn’t attend, before her body was transported to Kerikeri. I was pleased we had visited the family on Monday and had that time to talk to her husband and children. It was a sombre occasion as we stood around the casket before it began its last slow ride, through the crematorium doors.

After this, the gathered mourners began to socialise and I was surprised at the number of people I actually knew there. There were five of my children’s friends, who instead of being young primary school children, were now adults with families of their own. I had to ask each of them who they were, as there is a lot of change from an 11-year-old to a 36-year-old, for example. A couple of women came to say hello and I recognised a couple more. We have all aged in that 25 years since I lived there.

I have moved around an awful lot in my life and living in the Hokianga was one of my favourite places. Everyone knew everyone, the kids were all friends and we often had whole rugby teams staying the night, before Paul, my ex-husband, and I would transport them to their game the next day. It had taken a while to be accepted by the community, being two of only a few pakeha, but once in, we were embraced as one of them. It was here that I met Diane. I left Paul suddenly, so there were no goodbyes to all these lovely people and their children that I had gotten to know so well. I had not seen many of them since that day in March 1999 when I left.

One thing I have learnt in life though, is that memories remain. I might not have seen these people, but our connection and respect for each other was strong then and thus that remains today.

Whenever I go back to some of these communities that I lived in, it is the same. People come forward to say hello and we carry on just where we left off. Cities were different beasts though, I never got to know the people like I did in these smaller places. I have one or two city friends who would be terrified of moving out of these bigger places, believing they would be lonely, but give me a smaller community any day, generally a far more supportive place.

The same kind of thing happened with my massage business, both here and in New Plymouth. I stopped both suddenly, the New Plymouth one because I was moving up here, and the local one because I became unwell. One gets quite close to clients, especially those who come regularly. Whilst I haven’t seen any of my New Plymouth clients again, and only a handful of my local ones, I know that when I do bump into them, that connection we forged at the time will still be there, along with the fondness we shared for each other.

The irony of life is yesterday I was farewelling Diane, yet at the same time, I was opening back up a chapter of my life, as I said hello to some of these people from my past. I guess that is life, opening and shutting doors, opening some again, my life anyway, and I guess for others who have moved around a lot like I have.