Bad behaviour

I know of a particular mother who is having behavioural issues with her son. This lad is now 11 and probably entering adolescence, with many unfamiliar hormones raging. Whilst he has always displayed signs of this behaviour, the problem seems to be escalating in recent weeks.

What does this mother do? She has lost friends because of her son’s actions, and now treads around him carefully, like walking on eggshells, were her words.

Apparently, this boy behaves well for the father (because he is too frightened not to) (her words again) and well at school, so the unacceptable behaviour is reserved for her. This boy, along with his sister, lives week-about between parents.

Is he blaming his mother for the parent’s divorce? These words would more than likely have been fed into the child from the father, who used to put the mother down in front of the children when they were together. But regardless of the reason, something needs to be done before either the house is ruined with holes in the wall or the mother is assaulted. Often these bouts of anger are followed the next day with remorse, flowers in one case, and the odd apology.

I have suggested all kinds of things, including learning strategies to deal with the anger, or treatments to get to the bottom of this anger, but lately I am thinking it is perhaps up to the mother to find strategies herself to deal to this behaviour when it arises. It is obvious he sees his mother as a soft touch.

In some ways, the behaviour appears that of a spoilt brat and this lad probably has been spoilt through his life. If he doesn’t get his way he plays up, with the behaviour more extreme as he ages. He constantly complains, according to his mother, and nothing is ever right.

The mother now faces constant stress and anxiety the weeks she has her children. She doesn’t want her son to live with the father full-time and that probably wouldn’t work for either of them as they both work full-time, without family support available to help look after these children before and after school.

Counsellors and psychologists are another avenue, though one visit to one of these did not go well.

I have met the boy and he also has a lovely side to him. He is also very smart. Any suggestions out there?