And some more

I was awake this morning just before four. I was thinking about yesterday’s blog, and in the darkness of the early morning, it seemed the absurdist thing imaginable. How could anyone not want abundance? And yet that was how I had felt as I was trying to repeat Louise Hay’s affirmations earlier that day. I knew there were blocks there and I must have removed them to feel how I did this morning. But I soon realised there were still more issues, so I decided to go in using the meditation to remove trauma stored in the body.

As I was calling in my helpers, the Indian Chief was right there, wanting to help. As his beliefs had featured in yesterday’s realisation, I was happy to have him join me. I have given three talks recently about how our past lives influence our present life and in each of these I told the story about how the chief was falsely blamed for killing a large number of settlers and was subsequently killed because of it, and his tribe massacred. The chief had killed two settlers, but not the large number he was blamed for. I talked about how that same issue was repeated in my current life, as every pattern is. When I was six, my girlfriend and I decided to buy our school lunch the next day. When I went home and gathered up my pocket money, I was 3pd short. My brother had a collection of these coins and I sneakily took one of his to make up the required amount of money. I can’t remember what I bought the next day, all I remember was getting a massive growling when I got home. Where had I got that money from to buy my lunch? Apparently, money had gone missing from my friend’s mother’s house the day before when I had been there and I was subsequently blamed. I didn’t take it, nor did I own up to taking my brother’s threepence. Like the Indian chief, I was guilty of the lesser thing, but not the larger crime I was blamed for. My friend was not allowed to play with me again.

I immediately saw the connection to that incident and money. Having it, had created an extremely negative experience. I also saw how, in the Indian life, it was jealousy of the Chief’s position that had caused him to be blamed for the other deaths. Again, I was shown the other lives where jealousy had caused my death. In the African life where I was boiled alive in the pot, the witch doctor had become jealous because more clients were coming to me but also because I owned a goat, obviously a sign of abundance.

I think I was given these images to show how all of them had compounded to shape my own beliefs around money. But I was also given a new incite and that was of the Indian life. I saw that after the land was taken from them, they didn’t have enough – of anything – food, clothing, the morning sun, and that belief had also accompanied me into this life. ‘’There isn’t enough.’’

I always used to help my father on the farm. I loved helping him, plus I also had an inner knowing that he was old and needed the help. But often he used to pay me. I am talking about the big jobs, where I worked like an adult all day, such as dipping and shearing. I hated it when he handed me the cheque. I would cringe and have a deep feeling of discomfort. I was happy to help him, I loved helping him. I didn’t want any money. I knew we didn’t have much, as my mother used to tell me all the time (I have done work around that one). I guess this feeling was a combination of low self-esteem and the remnants from the Indian life.

There was a lot of blackness in my heart, which extended internally into my pelvic region, as I worked through the meditation. It was relatively easy to free.

At five am, I turned off my phone for a further two hours of sleep, thankful for this latest clearing. I wonder if any more stuff will come up around money and abundance. I know the Louise Hay affirmations have definitely helped to show me where my resistances lie and I am thankful for these too.