The other side

I was feeling the urge to visit Daniel, my son who died six years ago. There is a meditation I use to do this, in which I have met numerous passed over loved ones. The meditation guides one to a set of gates and then one enters and is given time to converse with their particular person before being drawn back. The meditation is reasonably standard in that I am taken to the same place each time, once I enter the special area. The exception to this was the time I met the angels. In this meditation I was taken to the right, shortly after entering the gates. At other times I have attended ceremonies, but always in the same place.

I was not disappointed in my meditation yesterday, there was Daniel waiting for me once the gates opened. But rather than conversing with me, he indicated an urgency to follow him. ‘’Hurry up,’’ were his words. And so, I did. We rushed over lush green paddocks for what seemed like miles. He was giving no clue as to the reason for this mission. And then he stopped, with the words, ‘’I found this.’’ I looked down and there were kittens from my childhood. Lots of them. We had many cats growing up as a child, the culprit being the old mother cat who was never spayed. She was always producing litters. I loved these little animals, every one of them. I saw the purpose of this visit clearly. Daniel had found my old pets. Somehow, even though it was more than 60 years since I had seen them, we were still connected by the love we had for each other at that time. My two cats, Bruno and Paws were also there.

And then two of my working dogs appeared. Dan had been given to me by an old shepherd, knowing that he would be useful for me but not over-worked like the other farm dogs. Dan lived out his retirement on our back porch, rather than in a kennel, and delighted in the times that I took him to the sheep yards for work. He died of cancer not long after his previous master died. I had always wanted to take Dan to the Rawene Hospital where the old man was dying, stand under the window and let Dan bark – the command ‘’that’ll do Dan.’’ A regret that I didn’t, as I know that would have been uplifting for them both.

And my other dog that appeared was also a hunt-away, Tan. I had got this one as a pup, once again useful in the yards, when large numbers of animals were needed to be corralled throughout the day. I had gone away for a few days and whilst away, Paul, my ex-husband, had taken Tan to use. He obviously wasn’t working him or watching him, as the mailman drove past and Tan ran out and was hit and killed. I found this difficult to comprehend as Tan didn’t run at vehicles while around me. But the interesting thing here was that Tan had come to me, most likely at his time of death. I saw the picture of him in my mind and the feeling of love I had for him. I had wondered why at the time. I was saddened by his passing and it didn’t help when I saw the mailman who blamed me for the incident. ‘’If he hadn’t run out, he wouldn’t have been killed.’’ Yes true, but if I had been there, he wouldn’t have run out, he would have been working and under my watchful eye, I thought to myself. No sympathy from that lot.

It was a delight to see these two animals and I immediately thought of a third and fourth farm dog I had had. Both these were heading dogs, their purpose to go ahead, always working opposite their master. The first, I was training and it was doing well, until we sold our farm. Paul gave this one to his friend, complaining about how useless it was. I saw the friend some time later and he said completely the opposite. I had instilled the commands of sit and stay, well with him. The last one was a feisty young male, lacking ears, probably not the best dog for me. I tied him on a rope to follow the horse for a few weeks and he learnt to heel but he couldn’t be trusted when let out of his kennel. He would disappear and not return when called. One day he worried a sheep and had to be shot. I felt guilty about that. Both these dogs appeared to me. I am not sure whether I was thinking about them and they appeared or the other way around.

I hadn’t thought of any of these animals for years. Here they were. Daniel had found them. He had very clearly decided to take me to them the next time I appeared. I hadn’t carried out that meditation for several months. It was a moving experience, more so finding that the connection to these animals was very much alive. I also experienced a feeling of gratitude for the care I had given them, along with all the sick animals I had nursed over the years. And there had been many of those too.

I am sure when we die, we all have these connections to our former pets and loved ones. But it was certainly lovely to have this visit, whilst still alive. I realised the need for speed had been to get back again before the words of the meditation pulled me back to the present.

A lovely visit.