Self-talk

I was disappointed hearing my daughter negatively self-talk and realised it was a trait she had learned from me. It is too late now to undo those moments when she was a child and I the adult, commenting negatively about my body. And it is perhaps too late to undo the damage she has most likely done to her own daughter, who already bemoans the fact she is too tall.

Renee is beautiful. She is tall and slim and has long flowing hair. Everyone comments about her beauty. In Renee’s eyes, she is too tall, her hair is the wrong style and colour and too brittle. She doesn’t like her cellulite - the list goes on. What has gone wrong in her psyche that she sees such a negative picture of herself? I didn’t ever say anything negative to her about her appearance or her body, in fact quite the contrary, she only ever received positive comments from me. But I had plenty to say about my own body. This is where the error lies. She listened to me, telling myself that I was too fat, too ugly, my legs were too big and she listened to her father saying those same things to me.

My own mother was constantly dieting but also wasn’t a great role model. She passed the odd negative body comment my way but the big thing I remember most is that she never ever said anything positive about my body. I always worried that I was too skinny and hated it that all my bones stuck out. When I started boarding school, every one would compliment me on my figure. I didn’t even know what a figure was. I was a farm girl, intent on running up and down the hills and walking for miles. But apparently, that toned physique was something the other girls noticed and something I soon learned, mattered. I would often put on a few pounds when home for the holidays. My parents had now sold the farm and there were no hills to climb, but I soon lost this weight when I returned to school. My negative self-talk about my body, must have started around this time and certainly during each pregnancy when I gained a large amount of weight. And of course, when I was a young girl and worried about being too bony.

I am still no better. I am constantly berating my body and myself, for the times when I over eat or binge.

But when I see my daughter doing the same thing, I realise how destructive this pattern is. ‘’Stop, don’t do this to yourself,’’ I say.

On December 2nd I am attending a workshop that addresses body beliefs. I am hoping that I will take away some useful solutions to my own negative self-talk. After all, listening to someone else do the same thing, I really see how bad this is for oneself.