Over familiarity
More than 30 years ago, I wrote a rhyming poem for a writing course I was undertaking at the time. The course was ‘Writing Articles That Sell’ and provided information about how to tailor our articles to the various publications. For instance, it would be silly writing a 1000-word piece if the magazine only published 300-words, or worse, didn’t publish anything other than their own writers’ works. Included in the subject material, was how to write children’s stories, plays, fiction and non-fiction articles. It was a useful course to have undertaken.
I think I submitted my poem during an open option, where I could write something of my choice. This was a true story about one of my sons, Jason. He had gone with his big brothers and younger sister to Rainbow’s End, a theme park in South Auckland. The kids took various rides but when they came to the roller coaster, there was a minimum height requirement and Jason was too short to ride. This devastated him and so for the next year or two, all I heard was ‘’I want to ride the roller coaster’’. Finally, I knew he would be tall enough and took the family back to Rainbow’s End. As soon as we entered, Jason darted off with one of his brothers. By the time I reached the pair, the boys were strapped in and the roller coaster was already in motion. It is practice there to do one round and stop to allow anyone to get off before they start the long ride. As the roller coaster came to a halt, I saw Jason with his hand in the air. He was terrified and wanted to get off. However, the operators didn’t see him and he was whisked off for another, longer ride.
And so, this story became my poem. I received favourable feedback at the time, from the tutor, but the piece went with the rest of the things I had written, into storage.
Probably eight or nine years ago, I decided to make a children’s story from the poem, with my niece as the illustrator. It has taken all this time, but the story is now almost ready for publication. I am going to self-publish and will sell from Amazon and this website.
My problem is, that the poem has become so familiar to me, that I am unable to objectively critique it myself. When I read it aloud, it flows, as I know when to slow or increase the speed, but readers have pointed out to me that it doesn’t flow so well for them and they say the metre is inconsistent. I have tried to make changes that have been suggested to me, like adding extra words or changing the syllables, but each time I do this, the story takes on a sterile effect. I am just too familiar with it and the different words seem to jar. My niece has provided great illustrations, full of detail and I feel I am letting her down if the story is not up to the same level.
Am I just being super pig-headed or stupid. It is not that I am not hearing the feedback, it is that my gut tells me no, no, no, every time I try to make suggested changes. And actually, when it comes to metre, that is something that I know very little about. When I was at school, we learnt to rhyme pieces and that was all. I can’t sing or dance, so perhaps its a brain thing.
I guess the proof will be in the sales.