Other people’s shoes
I know the saying ‘Walk a mile in another person’s shoes’ refers to not judging someone unless you understand their experiences and what they have been through, but this saying also comes to mind when I see what some people are having to endure in their lives. And I think to myself how on earth can they go through that? And I wonder what it must be like, not because I even want to know, but I wonder where the strength and resilience comes from to endure such a thing.
I am thinking here of the young woman who longs for a child and has just had her fourth miscarriage, or the 50-year-old recently diagnosed with cancer, unsure of what lies ahead of him, or the younger woman told she is in Stage four with no chance of recovery. The first woman may go on to have a baby and won’t that be a cherished one, or she may not. The 50-year-old might make a full recovery but he might not too. These people still have hope. The terminally ill woman doesn’t even have that as all her future dreams have been snatched from her. She is already in a load of pain and frightened of what lies ahead. Her only choice is whether she can reach a state of acceptance. She may reach this and she may not.
Sometimes, life seems so unfair.
I wonder on a soul level why these people need these experiences in the first place. I think coming to terms with our predicament, finding peace within our turmoil is the gift in these examples, although who wants to be told their suffering is in any way a gift. They would probably hurl this piece of writing back in my face.
But I think back to Daniel’s death. It was sudden. One minute he was alive and happy, looking forward to his upcoming wedding. The next he was dead. There was no suffering for him, only to those left behind. If we asked the woman who was going through the heartache of dealing with her impending death and the accompanying pain and suffering if she would rather have a sudden death, I wonder what she would say? If we could ask Daniel, if you could have your time again, knowing you still had to die on that date, would you choose a different way of dying, would you rather have had the time to say good bye, the time to forgive those who had wronged you, the time to come to terms with your own impending ending? I wonder what he would say.
You see, until we have walked in another’s shoes, we really have no idea of the difficulties or the gifts of such a journey. And I wonder if the answer to that question would change with each passing day. Perhaps the fear and uncertainty at the beginning would bring wishes of a quick and painless death, but by journey’s end, perhaps there would be gratitude that the journey was the way it was.
We all have to die. That is one constant in life. And generally, none of us has control over how that will be. There are some frightful diseases out there which I know I would not like to suffer from. Some people live well into their 90’s, others are taken way too soon. How will our own ending be? I guess in some ways I am lucky, in that I have viewed so many of my former lives. I know death is a mere transition, but for many, there is a fear there that accompanies a person right to their final minutes. But if I was faced with one of the more unpleasant scenarios, I wonder how I would react. Would I become fearful too, even though I know I live on? They say one is never given more than one can handle but other people’s burdens seem so excessive and I do wonder how they cope.
I am glad it is my own shoes that I am walking in.