Green flags
Someone posted a list of positive relationship signs the other day, that I thought were so good that they were worth repeating. They came under the title ‘green flags’.
They celebrate your wins
Remember small things about you
They respect your boundaries
You feel energized after seeing them
They listen without being defensive
They allow you to be fully yourself
They make you feel safe
You don’t have to watch what you say
They support your goals.
What a wonderful list of attributes making a great friend or partner. It made me look at some of my own relationships with others to see just how many of these green flags were present. There was one friendship in particular, which, although having been great for a number of years, I noticed I have come away feeling judged and deflated the last couple of times I have been in their company. And even on the most recent visit, I saw there was a subtle undermining, more like passive aggression. I don’t know whether this had always been there and I have just noticed it, or if it is a new development in our friendship. Anyway, I have made a mental note to give this person some berth. I don’t need to feel put down. Of course, any reaction on my part, I know there is more work to do, which was the first thing I did on waking this morning. I put on my meditation and set about clearing this unwanted energy.
I have been watching Married At First Sight, Australia. I always find it interesting seeing people’s reactions to different things. There was one chap in particular, who was immediately taken back to his fat childhood days, when one of the other participants made a remark about the whales at the poolside. The perpetrator was held to task about this remark and came up with a feeble excuse as to his use of the word. But that one word did so much damage to the person who heard it, the one who had been bullied in childhood for being overweight. It brought everything rushing back. And yes, more work to do on his part. He is a lovely young man, but he really was traumatised by this remark.
There are a lot of us walking around with incredibly low self-esteems, usually garnered in childhood by unkind adults or peers. We try extra hard to fit in, to be like everyone else, and many of us never see our own goodness, being too stuck in the hurts of the past. No matter how many times this young man was told how great he was, he seemed unable to hear it. Often these people rely on validation from others, and when that doesn’t come, they feel worthless all over again.
I have done so much healing on my own low self-worth, which I discovered has followed me through several lifetimes, and sometimes I wonder whether I will ever heal completely from this. It certainly helps being around green flagged people and I notice I have met a few more of these people lately. It is certainly lovely being celebrated, rather than put down, being energized, rather than having one’s power sucked away and finally being able to be 100 percent oneself. Yay. Bring more of these people into my life.