Be careful what one wishes for

Be careful what one wishes for. We all know that saying. I had no sooner finished writing my last blog where I stated that I wanted some less predictable activities in my life than I was presented with one, though it was not the type of activity I had in mind when I wrote that.

Our friend, Peter, was dying and his wife, Gay, asked if we could come and stay with her, as her children had to return to Auckland.

Of course, we said yes. I hurried around, with Stephen arriving when he got back from visiting friends on the other side of the harbour. And there we stayed for five nights. Peter had only received his terminal diagnosis nine days before and was now receiving the pain relief he needed, something that had not been forthcoming before his diagnosis. His pain had been getting steadily worse but nothing the doctors offered had been able to penetrate the level he was experiencing. Fortunately, now the morphine and muscle relaxant were able to do their job but Peter was quickly slipping into a coma-like state.

Gay had been doing her best for months to make him comfortable, offering food that she thought he might enjoy and generally being there for him. And now, with the assistance of a daily visit from the hospice nurse and a carer for the morning and afternoon wash, she was trying to make his last days as comfortable as possible.

I have always admired the human spirit and none more so than watching the valiant effort Peter put up. The fact he had been complaining of pain for months, and doctors hadn’t been able to ascertain exactly what was wrong with him, had made his journey difficult. When one is confronted with pain like that, one does their best to grin and bear, always thinking they’ll get better once the cause is found and alleviated. In some ways, without a diagnosis, Peter was cheated. He was cheated of proper pain relief and more time to digest his diagnosis and to properly say his goodbyes and do maybe one or two things in life that he had wanted to do.

But in saying that, I do believe that each of us is presented with the exact things we need to be presented with in life. Perhaps he needed that journey. When we went to bed on Friday night, I thought Peter couldn’t possibly last till the morning. But he did so. He fought on and went a further day and a half. His breathing was consistent but gradually getting shallower as the day wore on. When we woke on Sunday morning, Gay informed us Peter had passed shortly before two that morning.

His final two days had been difficult for everyone, Gay in particular. When one sees someone in that situation, all they want is for that person to pass, to end their struggle. Whilst it was sad to see the last of our friend, it was a relief that he had finally let go and could now be with his other loved ones in heaven. We stayed on for a further two nights and returned home yesterday. The funeral was this morning.

Gay is managing well at present. She has most of her family with her, but I know it will be in the coming weeks that the difficulty will set in…no one to share her morning coffee with or talk about the day’s activities. She has lots of friends who will rally around but that doesn’t substitute a husband.

We will all get to this point at some stage. With couples, one will go first with the other having to take care of them as Gay did, then that person having to navigate their single life moving forwards.

As I stated in yesterday’s blog, we all need to make sure we feel fulfilled in life. If there are things we still want to do, then we need to do them. Now, before it is too late.

And in future, I won’t be too quick to say I want some new unpredictable activities in my life!