Endings

This morning really feels like an ending. I have been feeling the change in the air for the last couple of days or so. A new beginning always follows an ending and I can feel this too, not quite there yet, but on its way, a bit like the season currently shifting from Summer into Autumn.

The obvious is there, with Genevieve and Willow leaving this morning to catch the bus at Kerikeri. I had been going to go too, but when Stephen decided to carry on and see his friend in Whangarei, I decided to say my goodbyes here and remain at home. We have spent quite a bit of time with these two over the last couple of years, and we will miss them and their company. Often after our writing group meet, we would continue up to see Genevieve, or after the market or when travelling past. We will miss being able to do that.

But there is another feeling, one less discernable, that my life is changing, that something is dying away and a new beginning approaching. I am not sure exactly what, but I am definitely aware it is there. I have had a lot of transitions in my life, packing everything up completely, moving to a place where I know nobody, and starting again. This time, I am not going anywhere, but I feel the change within. Perhaps I needed to stop moving physically so that I could feel this internal shift more readily.

I am coming up 10 years to have been in this house, the second longest time I have lived anywhere in my life, the longest being on the family farm, which I stayed at until this was sold when I was 13. There have been a lot of subsequent shifts in my life, with generally only four or five years in one place. Maybe that is why the internal shift is happening, because I am used to having a physical shift after a few years and without that, changes must still happen.

There seems to be a sense of peace coming along with what I am feeling too, which I would liken to the Wheel of Fortune in my Animal cards, moving from a time of difficulty into one of peace. I wouldn’t have said my last few years have been difficult, but if I put all the events that have occurred over that time together, then I would term it so. But whatever is approaching, it does feel good.

Seeing Genevieve and Willow starting the next chapter in their life this morning has probably exacerbated my own feelings. Whatever is happening externally is generally a reflection of what is going on internally.

Whatever is coming, I am looking forward to it anyway. Change is always good.